Found it!

I’ve never feel so good in life.

Just one more month until I turn twenty-six. Quarter life has been such a marvelous year. It started off bad. I struggled for the first nine months

I’ve figured out who I’m; what I want to do and where I want to be for the rest of my life. As I mentioned earlier, I found my identity as a Chinese.

As of what I want to do, I have to say I still love architecture but I don’t think I want to be an architect.

(to be con't)

A Lot to Learn

Anyhow, this week I learnt there're still I lot I need to learn, whether it's architecture, construction or life.

A new guy started at work, he's just fresh out of school. He reminded me how fresh, how engentic, how passionate I was back in the days. I think I need to work hard on building up my confidence, but I always think other do a better job than I do. Is it because I'm a perfectionist? I only see my mistakes and how imperfect I'm. I shouldn't let this be my burden.

I still have a long way to go, a lot to learn.

Shortlisted

I'm back on track.

So my vacation request got approved, yet I decided to drop my plan to go to Virginia at the end of August. I don't feel like going mostly because of I've just realized I've a lot need to get done. Even I kind of need a break from everything, but I figured out I should focus on what's more critical.

I spent the entire Independence Day weekend resting, relaxing and clearing up my thoughts. Also, trying to figure out an narrow down the programs I'm going to apply. I've such a long list and each school/ program has slightly different requirements, such as writing samples or statement of purpose other than personal statement. I shortlisted my ideal school/ program and has a few back up ones. So now I can get started.

Out of the Blue

I was in Venice earlier today to go to do some field measurements. When I leave the job site, I drove around the neighborhood and saw a hand full of houses in construction. Out of the blue this feeling hit me hard. I recalled a lot happened during the past year while I was working on this project during construction. I got to know the client, I experience the meaning to of architecture, which isn't to change the world but to make a diffference, either to someone's life or in a larger aspect, to the community and society.

Despite the constant disappointment hit me lately, plus my confusion about architecture, career goal, life and work. I realize I still love architecture so much. It's in me and it'll always be a part of me.

Now I make this clear and I'm relief.

Keep my Head up

I hate the fact that I am not enjoying it as I was three years ago.

Something is wrong, very wrong. I thought I walked out of the struggle I'd, but no, the concern is still there. However, it's different than before. At first, I was struggling with the responsibilities and loads on my shoulder. I overcame and handled that. But now, the works I've right now isn't keeping me busy enough and satisify. (Schematic design is unbelieveablely borning). I feel like I'm being ignore sometimes. WIth my experience, I should have more responsibilities and do more than what I'm doing right now. Sometimes I feel like they didn't well use of my knowledge.

Anyhow, good to have lunch with Sara, one of my co-workers who sit on the opposite side in the office. I like her a lot, it's always so comfortable to talk to her and she's very understanding.

When I think about it deeply, I still enjoying working here, still love it as I was three years ago. Oh well, I should stop complaining. Just need to keep my head up. And smile.

SD vs. CA

I couldn't remember how long I haven't work on a new project. For new, I mean starting from schemtic design (SD).

The day has come.

But the problem is, I'm not enjoying it. Laying out boxes and figuring how it'll work, feels like back in school again. Spending a lot of time, however things always doesn't come out the way you expected. Of course I'm not complaining, I'll never do. It just reminded me to apreciate what I have. How many on earth can have their interest as a career? I'm proud to say, I do.

It's just how ironic architecture is driving me insane all the times, yet I can't escape. Even I can, I'll not.

Architecture for the Community

One more thing about the Seattle trip, I'm recharged and kind of got out of the struggle I'd in the past several months.

Life is beautiful, how did I forget that?

But seeing many cultural and public architecture and that conversation reminded me why I got into architecture and the real purpose of it. Why I'm spending my energy and efford to design mansions for the millionaries? Architecture isn't just for the rich. I want to do more for the community and society.

I'm looking into Habitat for Humanity and Architecture for Humanity in my area. I feel like I've the responsility to use my knowledge to do my part.

Now I think about it, I've a lot I want to do. I've a burden to do something about the gentrification problem in Hong Kong. Can I?

Rough Draft

Whenever I think about my those taskes on my hand, my brain gets clog down completely.

I've a lot need to do, yet I don't know where to start. No, I kind of started, but I'm stuck. May be I should write down my schedule until the end of the year, rather than just procastnating. I'm still deciding to apply for city/ urban planning degrees or not. I know it'll help my career a lot, in particular if I want to do something for the future of Hong Kong. But I think I want to teach rather than being a planner.

I need to figure out my direction first. Give me some time.

Identity Crisis

Where Am I Going?

My college friend Charlene is moving back to the Bay Area this month. So I met with her this afternoon to have a tea.

We spent couple hours in a bakery/ cafe, taking about the old days (well, should be "nights"). Of course, our conversation was mostly about architecture. It's so awesome that I could share my struggles and stress I am facing. I love my architecture friends because only they understand.

I should plan another trip to San Francisco. May be around September/ October. So I can also visit the Contemporary Jewish Museum by Daniel Libeskind and Renzo Piano's California Academy of Science, which will both be open by then.

Once again, I have one less friend in the Southland. It'll be my turn next year. But where am I going?

Keep Smiling

I think I am almost back on track.

This cycle/ struggle is over. Althought this architecture and construction administration thing is driving me insane from time to time, but man, I realize I just love it so much to a point I can accept this torture in my life. Sounds not so right but that's the fact.

I get so frustrated because I care a lot about it. There were times I thought about I don't fu*king care but no, I care, and I care a lot. Architecture meant so much to me and I can't live without it. It's part of my life. So I'll let architecture torture the rest of my life. Please!

Even the each step is harder and less fun. Yet I look forward tomorrow because it's another exciting day at work!

Yes, I do Remember!

I am still in the struggle.

Last night I saw the sentence "Do you still remember your aspiration when you first studied architecture?" I dropped my tears.

I am sure this is a learning process and experience.

Stand still.

Not in the Kindergarten Anymore

I love architecture, but it's driving me nuts at the same time.

What's wrong with me? How come I am so tired? Is it because I can't handle dealing with problems I can't solve? Or it's because of Rob isn't around at most time?

Architecture isn't the same as few years ago, at the time I just graduated. I must agree the first several years was the happiest, it's like the kindergarten stage of the architecture profession. Architecture was fun and straight forward. Now I do know more, good or bad, therefore I have a lot more considerations. I am not as carefree as before. Even more important is that I know my decision affects the cost and schedule. I need to consider them in a professional aspect. I know I still can pretend I don't understand or don't know about it, leaving these responsibilities to Rob. But that's just not so right, I know a lot more than before and I should try my best to solve the problem rather than passing onto someone else.

I think I'll be fine, even I am struggling at the moment. Once I walk through it, I'll have more expenience and stronger than ever.

Make a Difference

Try not to write about work. But let's talk about architecture.

"Architecture can change the world." This is a phrase I hear a lot. No doubt, I am not powerful enough to change the world, but as an architect, I have the ability to make a difference. That's what make me have the energy to move forward. I want to contribute to the society, no in a massive and over-power way. Instead, I just want to do my part, try my best to do as much as I can to make a difference.

Architecture is not just a career, it's about the responsibilities to create a more livable future.

Drained Out

It's been a while I haven't update this blog.

Work is quite busy. Not exactly, but just a lot going on. I apologize I mostly write about architecture (or work), but it's hard to control myself. I said long ago and it's still true that "architecture is my life".

Architecture changed my life, shaped who I am today.

Back to work related, Rob went back to East Coast the Friday before. I got lots of emails, phone calls, detailing with different folks back and forth, get ready for the client meeting, etc. Gosh, I was dead tired. It's like drained out. I meant, I love construction administration, but at the same time, I am constantly overwhelmed by it.

Luckily, after recharging over the weekend, I gain my energy back. Just one more day until Rob comes back.

I need a break too!

Beside this, I slowly starting to work on my portfolio. Currently doing a cartoon layout to figure out what to include and what not. It's kicking. I just need to find time to work on it after work and over the weekend.

Split

At the beginning of the week, I almost wants to split myself into half. Or, may be third. I am not complaining and never will.

I am trying hard to manage my time between projects. Jumping in between projects. I need a way to not jump between projects or not multi- tasking at the same time. Sometimes I am working on two different tasks, from two different projects. A lot needed to learn, still.

Architecture is just a never ending road. I could give up but the fact is I enjoy the torture.

I know I am insane!

A Day in LA

I did an self guided architecture tour with Emilie yesterday afternoon. We went to Eames House, Schindler House and Walt Disney Concert Hall.

I'd been to Eames House and of course Walt Disney Concert Hall. I didn't spent much time at Eames House last time, but I think I prefer their furniture more than their architecture. It's just personal preference. I do like it's interior and landscaping. However, not so much the facade.

It's surprising that I'd never been to Schindler House. I just never made to that part of town.

Walt Disney Concert Hall is one of the architecture I trend to stop by whenever I went back to Downtown. Even I am not a fan of Frank Gehry. Not at all. But

(to be con't)

Reunion

I wasn't plan to go at first.

But then, Richard, a German ex-studiomate of mine just came back from Dubai and he's just in town for a week or two, there might not be another chance we'll see each other again. So I left the office earlier as usual.

Got to school and surprise that Will (he's from Bay Area), Brad and Charlene were also there. Even more exciting was Takuji just came back from Tokyo, Japan. We hang out a bit at school, walked around the building, noticed some within the school had changed but some were still the same.

We hop on Brad's pick up and went to Dario's (another ex-studiomates of ours) opening in Los Feliz. Amazed that he opened up his store, having his own clothing line and of course, he designed the store's interior. It's warm to see old faces. I am glad to hear everyone doing well in their professional life.

Then we ended up in an restaurant across the street. We talked about our SCI-Arc days (to be exact it's more "nights") and our life after SCI-Arc.

Everyone gets a bit older but deep in heart they didn't change.

I am glad I made it.

Heart

I don't know how this started, but long story short.

The project I am working on is in construction, which means I am doing construction administration. My project manager Rob is extremely busy that he's two more projects on his hands. So he started to meet with me to discuss what we can do to work together more efficiently, also push my development and responsibilties.

Then I realized I have problems.

Because of my early childhood experience, I trend to be quiet, very quiet. I am afraid to make mistake. I am lack of confidence. I am too careful in each step of my life.