A Lot to Learn

Anyhow, this week I learnt there're still I lot I need to learn, whether it's architecture, construction or life.

A new guy started at work, he's just fresh out of school. He reminded me how fresh, how engentic, how passionate I was back in the days. I think I need to work hard on building up my confidence, but I always think other do a better job than I do. Is it because I'm a perfectionist? I only see my mistakes and how imperfect I'm. I shouldn't let this be my burden.

I still have a long way to go, a lot to learn.

Out of the Blue

I was in Venice earlier today to go to do some field measurements. When I leave the job site, I drove around the neighborhood and saw a hand full of houses in construction. Out of the blue this feeling hit me hard. I recalled a lot happened during the past year while I was working on this project during construction. I got to know the client, I experience the meaning to of architecture, which isn't to change the world but to make a diffference, either to someone's life or in a larger aspect, to the community and society.

Despite the constant disappointment hit me lately, plus my confusion about architecture, career goal, life and work. I realize I still love architecture so much. It's in me and it'll always be a part of me.

Now I make this clear and I'm relief.

Keep my Head up

I hate the fact that I am not enjoying it as I was three years ago.

Something is wrong, very wrong. I thought I walked out of the struggle I'd, but no, the concern is still there. However, it's different than before. At first, I was struggling with the responsibilities and loads on my shoulder. I overcame and handled that. But now, the works I've right now isn't keeping me busy enough and satisify. (Schematic design is unbelieveablely borning). I feel like I'm being ignore sometimes. WIth my experience, I should have more responsibilities and do more than what I'm doing right now. Sometimes I feel like they didn't well use of my knowledge.

Anyhow, good to have lunch with Sara, one of my co-workers who sit on the opposite side in the office. I like her a lot, it's always so comfortable to talk to her and she's very understanding.

When I think about it deeply, I still enjoying working here, still love it as I was three years ago. Oh well, I should stop complaining. Just need to keep my head up. And smile.

SD vs. CA

I couldn't remember how long I haven't work on a new project. For new, I mean starting from schemtic design (SD).

The day has come.

But the problem is, I'm not enjoying it. Laying out boxes and figuring how it'll work, feels like back in school again. Spending a lot of time, however things always doesn't come out the way you expected. Of course I'm not complaining, I'll never do. It just reminded me to apreciate what I have. How many on earth can have their interest as a career? I'm proud to say, I do.

It's just how ironic architecture is driving me insane all the times, yet I can't escape. Even I can, I'll not.

Keep Smiling

I think I am almost back on track.

This cycle/ struggle is over. Althought this architecture and construction administration thing is driving me insane from time to time, but man, I realize I just love it so much to a point I can accept this torture in my life. Sounds not so right but that's the fact.

I get so frustrated because I care a lot about it. There were times I thought about I don't fu*king care but no, I care, and I care a lot. Architecture meant so much to me and I can't live without it. It's part of my life. So I'll let architecture torture the rest of my life. Please!

Even the each step is harder and less fun. Yet I look forward tomorrow because it's another exciting day at work!

Not in the Kindergarten Anymore

I love architecture, but it's driving me nuts at the same time.

What's wrong with me? How come I am so tired? Is it because I can't handle dealing with problems I can't solve? Or it's because of Rob isn't around at most time?

Architecture isn't the same as few years ago, at the time I just graduated. I must agree the first several years was the happiest, it's like the kindergarten stage of the architecture profession. Architecture was fun and straight forward. Now I do know more, good or bad, therefore I have a lot more considerations. I am not as carefree as before. Even more important is that I know my decision affects the cost and schedule. I need to consider them in a professional aspect. I know I still can pretend I don't understand or don't know about it, leaving these responsibilities to Rob. But that's just not so right, I know a lot more than before and I should try my best to solve the problem rather than passing onto someone else.

I think I'll be fine, even I am struggling at the moment. Once I walk through it, I'll have more expenience and stronger than ever.

Drained Out

It's been a while I haven't update this blog.

Work is quite busy. Not exactly, but just a lot going on. I apologize I mostly write about architecture (or work), but it's hard to control myself. I said long ago and it's still true that "architecture is my life".

Architecture changed my life, shaped who I am today.

Back to work related, Rob went back to East Coast the Friday before. I got lots of emails, phone calls, detailing with different folks back and forth, get ready for the client meeting, etc. Gosh, I was dead tired. It's like drained out. I meant, I love construction administration, but at the same time, I am constantly overwhelmed by it.

Luckily, after recharging over the weekend, I gain my energy back. Just one more day until Rob comes back.

I need a break too!

Beside this, I slowly starting to work on my portfolio. Currently doing a cartoon layout to figure out what to include and what not. It's kicking. I just need to find time to work on it after work and over the weekend.

Split

At the beginning of the week, I almost wants to split myself into half. Or, may be third. I am not complaining and never will.

I am trying hard to manage my time between projects. Jumping in between projects. I need a way to not jump between projects or not multi- tasking at the same time. Sometimes I am working on two different tasks, from two different projects. A lot needed to learn, still.

Architecture is just a never ending road. I could give up but the fact is I enjoy the torture.

I know I am insane!

Before the Storm

First week of work after the holiday, tasks came one after another. I have to write my timesheet daily from now on, because I no longer work on only one project.

Good or bad? I guess more good than bad.

But I still feel unreal that I'll be working on my Las Vegas prefab project again. My babies!

Seems like I'll be working in construction administration for at least a while. Until both of my projects complete, one in early March and another in June (I am not quite sure). What's next? I don't know and don't even want to think about it. It's out of my control. Just let it be and I'll enjoy the most out of it.

Looking forward!

All About Gifts

It's quite a busy day and I am exhausted. But I am delighted.

I got a gift from the client. They're so nice. Also got a gift from Rob and Mari, they're nice too. Not to mention the bonus check from the office. That made my day. Except I don't like the Chinese food I'd during lunch.

Constant Change

"The only thing constant in life is change"

It's never so true. I can't believe my babies come back to me. I am surprised! I never ever imagine that.

In a very short time, I'll be working on the Las Vegas prefab project again. I am a bit nervous, it's going to be quite a challenge for me. Can I handle that?

Don't Let Me Go

I just want to cry. I wish everything can stay the same.

I can't imagine working with someone else rather than Rob even I understand I need to work with someone else on different projects. But I've been working with him for so long to a point I'm very comfortable and a lot of times I did what he needed even before he asked. I knew what he wanted; he knew what I'm good at and what I need to improve. He trusted me.

I'm typing him an email and my tears drop, non-stop.

Can't bare I am not as tough as I though!

What's Wrong

I am so lost.

I ponder my long time love affair with architecture. No doubt I truly love architecture, no one would disagree that. Work is treating me well, that's nothing I could complain. But I don't seem to know what do I want. Is that the recent responsibilities? I don't think so, I think it's under my control yet I am not completely satisfy.

What's wrong with me?

What Touches My Heart

I am tough in general but I cry a lot. Not because of being in stress or upset. Just my eyes are quite shallow, I get touch so easily. There're moments I can't handle, so I try to avoid as much as possible. One is farewell; another is getting appreciation from others at the ladder up.

I dropped my tear at work today.

I was on the phone with Rob and he said something touch my heart real deep. A simple "thank you" or appreciation meant so much to me. It is something you can't ask for and it is what makes my hard work and input worth.

I wish I'll be able to see my babies in person. Finger cross.

I Thought I Knew

Work is kind of slow lately.

I want to work on a new project. But then I'll definitely miss construction administration. Oh well.

Do I know what I want? May be not. But I am sure I'll be just fine whichever direction I head toward. Just need to keep my head up. And keep smiling.

More than Half Way through

Three years, these three years was a memorable one.

I just couldn't believe time flies so fast. First day of work just seems like yesterday. I could picture the details in my mind, it's so clear. Three years ago I haven't yet even graduated from architecture school, didn't even know how to draw a detail so not to mention how a building put together.

Over the course of the past three years, I definitely learnt a lot. It's the happiest period of my life. Let's continue the happiness for the remaining one year and nine months.

The Changing of the Season

A cold and drizzling Monday morning. I rushed out of the door as usual and a reminder of myself, should go to bed earlier tonight. I am not in a mood for work at all. A day like today makes me want to snuggle up in a soft, clean bed and just stay there. Maybe reading, maybe sleeping, maybe just doing nothing. Definitely with a warm cup of hot cocca and appreciation for the changing of the seasons.

Even I am not in a mood for work I still need to work. Leo (one of my bosses) announced in the Monday morning meeting that we'll have an extra day off on that Friday after Thanksgiving. After all.

I spent the last three post Thanksgiving Friday in the office. Has it been that long?

It'll be the forth starting this Thursday.

Heart

I don't know how this started, but long story short.

The project I am working on is in construction, which means I am doing construction administration. My project manager Rob is extremely busy that he's two more projects on his hands. So he started to meet with me to discuss what we can do to work together more efficiently, also push my development and responsibilties.

Then I realized I have problems.

Because of my early childhood experience, I trend to be quiet, very quiet. I am afraid to make mistake. I am lack of confidence. I am too careful in each step of my life.